I talk a lot about surrender and its importance during pregnancy, birthing, and especially postpartum. Parenting is all about surrender! There may be things that you want to do or things that need to be done, but our little ones have a way of derailing us and sending us in a different direction. And if we're not in the mindset to be able to adapt and shift gears, it can cause us a lot of stress! There is no better teacher than our child on how to be fully present and to live for the moment we are in. Just watch a child absorbed in their play, their imaginations in full swing, and you will see exactly what I mean.
For me, this is where my Yoga practice and training really comes into focus. Being able to fully relax, breathe, and to let go of any expectations or outcomes, accepting the moment for what it is and finding the beauty that lies within.
It's not always easy and I don't always get it perfect. That's why it's called a practice! We are continually being presented with challenges that allow us to step into this practice. Taking each moment as it comes and choosing to be present with it. With love.
Surrendering doesn't just apply to parenthood either, it can be applied to all aspects of our lives.
When we push back against whatever is happening in our lives, whether in our minds or our bodies, we create unnecessary stress and tension that does nothing to alleviate the situation. It in fact makes it worse.
Surrendering does not mean giving up or giving in. It is a gentle acceptance of what is. A noticing. An awareness. A letting go of any attachment to a certain outcome.
If we can do this, there can be a beautiful unfolding, revelations can be had, and new ways of being discovered.
With our current global situation we are being given ample opportunity to practice surrender.
This is the perfect time to slow down, become aware of our breath, move our bodies in gentle ways, and to meditate.
We may not have control over what is happening in our communities, our countries, or the world at large, but we do have control over our thoughts, our words, and our actions.
What are you doing today to find a place of calm and stillness within yourself?
Maybe it is staying off of social media and not watching the news. Stepping outside and taking a few deep breaths in and out of the nose with your eyes closed. Relaxing your shoulders and your jaw. Smiling. Turning your face up to the sunshine and absorbing its warmth and energy. Thinking of something you are grateful for and stating it out loud. Practicing Yoga (especially restorative).
The more we can all practice this, the more it will create a ripple effect around us. To our families, our friends, our communities, cities, countries, and ultimately, out into the world.
As Mahatma Gandhi so simply stated, "We must be the change we wish to see in the world."
In a recent Instagram post I was talking about the importance of caring for new mothers and their need to be held - a need that is equal to, if not more important than, the need of holding the new baby.
No matter how much preparation you have done, giving birth is a life-altering experience in every way possible. And however ‘easy’ or ‘difficult’ the birthing process was, there is trauma involved - to the physical body definitely, but also mentally and emotionally.
When a new mother feels supported they receive a boost of oxytocin - a hormone that plays a major role in social bonding, childbirth, and in postpartum. This can help with the production of breastmilk, reducing stress, and increasing the bond with baby. There is anthropological evidence supporting levels of oxytocin are much higher in women who live in close proximity to family or who are closely connected to their community. For many of us, this is no longer the case. Families are separated by great distances and we are so ‘busy’ with our day-to-day lives that we have lost all sense of ‘community’.
So, how can we begin to bring this much needed love and care to new mothers?
Here’s a list of simple ways to begin fostering a sense of connection and community, and to give lots of love to new mamas.
It can be extremely challenging to feed yourself and your family in the immediate postpartum. Bringing nourishing food can be the greatest gift!
Check in with the family to see if there are any food preferences or avoidances. A cooler can be left outside the family’s door so as not to disturb mama and babe during meal delivery.
-bring a meal (or 2 or 3)
-organize a meal train-this will allow family and friends to deliver meals on a schedule
-gift certificates for local restaurants or food box delivery services
-pick up and deliver some groceries
-don’t forget snacks and treats!
Are their other children in the home? Pets? They might not be getting the full attention that they are used to and could use some love too!
-offer to take older children on excursions - the park, a play centre, a movie etc
-if school-aged, help getting kids to and from school
-organize play dates
-pet the cat (if they’re into that), take the dog for a walk, and check if they need food too!
-summer - cut the grass, winter - shovel the snow
-help with laundry, dishes, and other light housecleaning
The birther has just been through a physically/mentally/emotionally draining experience. They need time to rest in order to recover.
-offer to watch baby so mama can have a shower or bath
-watch baby so mama can have a much needed nap
-foot rubs and head massages can be deeply relaxing
-gifts of massage (bonus if the therapist does home visits)
-make endless cups of tea and give her space to talk about her experience (and just listen!)
As you can see from the above lists, it is the simple, small things that can make a huge difference for a new mama and her family. These are just a few ideas, maybe you can think of others that would be helpful, or things specific to the new mamas in your life.
Whatever you are able to contribute would be much appreciated, I assure you.
This is a sacred time, let’s start treating it as such.
Wise Roots Therapies, January 12 2020
Hi! I'm a Mama of 3, an Ayurveda Spa Specialist, Pre and Post Natal Yoga Teacher, Postpartum Facilitator, and Postpartum Doula. I am passionate about caring for new mamas during the Sacred Window of postpartum, and educating others on how to care for the new Mamas in their lives.